Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Re-Thinking Forgiveness


Certified Practitioner, Rapid Resolution Therapy 

Two weeks ago I saw an adult male client who needed some ghostbusting done around some text messages he and his family members had been receiving from his mother. He had a lot of emotion around the incidents, which indicates an old ghost. 

His daughter was getting married soon, so wedding plans were afoot with a lot of drama surrounding who was attending and who wouldn't attend if others did attend. As we all know, weddings are nodal events in the family life cycle, which bring up a lot of family anxiety.

I did the ghostbusting technique of "stop putting on your pants" to get his mind to see that "nothing needs to be done" about those past nonexistent events. The emotion "disappeared" for him.
When I saw him this morning, he related a brief conversation he had with his mother as she and her husband were leaving the wedding reception. She said, "Please forgive me." What came to mind to say in reply was, "There's nothing to forgive." He became curious about where that reply came from. Later he wondered if it was related to work that had gotten done in our previous session.

I felt one of those delicious "RRT chills" that we get from the life-changing work we're now able to do with our clients. 

I then told him about some new ways of looking at 'forgiveness' that have recently come to mind for me. I no longer see "forgive" as a verb, as that is something that is impossible for us to do. I use 'forgiveness' as a noun.

At a recent retreat, I heard a take on the word "repent;" it comes from a Greek word that means to turn around, or to think differently. I then remembered that "-pent" is Latin for think. (Pensive means thoughtful). Therefore "re-pent" literally means to "re-think" (great cognitive stuff!).

So keeping that in mind and adding some of Jon's RRT stuff, I have redefined "forgiveness" as the absence of all those negative, yucky emotions as a result of re-thinking.

My client exited our session with relaxed shoulders, an easier stride, and a big grin. 

Love,
Mae

Mae C. Young, EdS, LPC, has been in private practice for eighteen years in Southaven, MS, a Memphis, TN suburb. She has a great interest in neuroscience, as she previously worked as a medical technologist for eighteen years in hospital laboratories. 
She is certified in RRT and Level II EMDR, and has studied Bowen Family Systems Theory. She does counseling for all ages, but specializes in trauma, couples, and ADHD. She can be reached at 662-349-2148 and  www.maeyoungcounselor.com.

Friday, April 20, 2012

How To Forgive and Let Go!


 
Certified Practitioner, Rapid Resolution Therapy 

Recently I had several clients who stated that people in their life had been hurtful or even down right abusive towards them in the past; but they had "forgiven" them. Even so, these same clients continued to bring up the hurtful events over and over again in the session. Prior to being trained in Rapid Resolution Therapy (RRT), I also focused on forgiveness with my clients. But now, it's not a word I use in or out of my office. 


Just because one "forgives" another in the logical mind (snowflake) does not mean that our subconscious mind (goat) stops creating an emotional reaction to what has happened. In fact, as I work with clients who believe they have to "forgive" another, it is obvious that their subconscious mind is still reacting to a past event trying to get them to make something in the world stop. In the mind of my clients it was to motivate them to get people to stop doing mean and abusive things that actually were not happening in the present.

In situations like these, my job is to help the subconscious mind understand that the incident is no longer happening; that in fact the situation is completed and defeated. It is also my job to help my client better understand how the brain works and why it originally had reacted in this way. I help them "to erase the meaning that their mind had attached to the event."  Typically those meanings are that the other person was a bad person, that my client thinks they must have done something wrong to deserve being treated that way, or that they could have done something to stop it all together. Since they didn't stop it, then they believe there must be something really wrong with them.


None of that is true! Once the inaccurate meanings are successfully cleared, then the client can no longer be held hostage by inaccurate meanings of an incident. Prior to my RRT training when I assisted a client with forgiveness they left my office still heavy with emotions. Since RRT training my clients now leave lighter and brighter!
Be well, Be happy - Tara
Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, LPC
1360 S 5th St., Suite 394, St. Charles, MO 63301