Certified Practitioner, Rapid Resolution Therapy
Executive Director, Institute for Survivors of Sexual Violence
Recently I had several clients who stated that people in their life had been hurtful or even down right abusive towards them in the past; but they had "forgiven" them. Even so, these same clients continued to bring up the hurtful events over and over again in the session. Prior to being trained in Rapid Resolution Therapy (RRT), I also focused on forgiveness with my clients. But now, it's not a word I use in or out of my office.
Just because one "forgives" another in the logical mind (snowflake) does not mean that our subconscious mind (goat) stops creating an emotional reaction to what has happened. In fact, as I work with clients who believe they have to "forgive" another, it is obvious that their subconscious mind is still reacting to a past event trying to get them to make something in the world stop. In the mind of my clients it was to motivate them to get people to stop doing mean and abusive things that actually were not happening in the present.
In situations like these, my job is to help the subconscious mind understand that the incident is no longer happening; that in fact the situation is completed and defeated. It is also my job to help my client better understand how the brain works and why it originally had reacted in this way. I help them "to erase the meaning that their mind had attached to the event." Typically those meanings are that the other person was a bad person, that my client thinks they must have done something wrong to deserve being treated that way, or that they could have done something to stop it all together. Since they didn't stop it, then they believe there must be something really wrong with them.
None of that is true! Once the inaccurate meanings are successfully cleared, then the client can no longer be held hostage by inaccurate meanings of an incident. Prior to my RRT training when I assisted a client with forgiveness they left my office still heavy with emotions. Since RRT training my clients now leave lighter and brighter!
Be well, Be happy - Tara
Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, LPC
1360 S 5th St., Suite 394, St. Charles, MO 63301